Ahhh…the comfort zone. That comfy familiar place where we feel safe. Here we can 
kick back, relax and pat ourselves on the back. Livin’ seems easy…but there is an underlying restlessness as if something is missing.
Is this the comfort zone or…are we “zoning out”?
Recently, I was asked to do a keynote talk at an international coaching conference and was surprised to realize I was more unnerved than usual. Talking in front of large groups is my “comfort zone”. In fact I love it. Being uncomfortable rather than excited at the prospect of doing this talk was confusing until I realized that I had gotten into a comfort zone with my public speaking and this talk was challenging me at a new level. A level that really was what I wanted.
As an ADHD / business coach, mentor and trainer, I am constantly asking my clients two things – what is their purpose and what are their values. For most of us, our purpose and values are what motivate us. They are the foundation and blueprint for what’s important for us. They are the basis for the choices we make and the actions we take and they are not really good at kicking back and playing it safe. They challenge us to live the fullest life possible. When we are living in a way that honors our values and is on path with our life purpose, we feel passionate, enthusiastic, and satisfied with our lives. Things feel in balance.
The journey to living authentically and connecting with your values and purpose can also feel incredibly uncomfortable.
Or if you are like me downright scary! When we step out of our comfort zone, into our life, there is going to be fear. It’s normal. Fear of being seen. Fear of not doing it right. Fear of not being liked. Fear of failing anything and everything. Excuses for not making the change start popping up out of nowhere as those darn pesky negative thoughts run rampant.
So what do you do when you realize your purpose and values really are much too big to fit inside that comfort zone? When you know that if you don’t change or grow, you aren’t living authentically.
Pause. I take a deep breath and have what I call a “coming to Jesus” moment when I ask myself these questions: 1. How do I need to honor my values? 2. Is staying where I am (a.k.a. the comfort zone) living my purpose? And, 3. Would I expect anything less from my clients who I ask every day to brave the fear and live outside their comfort zone?
So, if you are noticing that you might be feeling a wee bit uncomfortable with a recent change of events that seems to be challenging you, you might want to ask yourself these questions:
1. What is your purpose? What is the change you want to see in the world? Are you living your values authentically? Are you talking about wanting a change, or complaining about a current situation, and not doing something about it? Remember, all we can change is ourselves.
2. If not you, who??? Don’t be swayed by the excuse that you are not ready or that maybe someone else needs to do it. Without your willingness to step into the fear, the current situation will continue for far too long. Or worse, never be resolved. YOU were given this purpose, desire, vision and opportunity for a reason. It is meant for you to do.
3. How does this stepping out align with what is important to me? To my values? Chances are there will be a direct connection between this opportunity and who you really are. In fact, it may even be that there is a part of you that is actually excited and would love to do this new thing.
Now I will tell you a couple secrets to help you take that step outside your comfort zone…I believe we are natural born doers. WE were created and put on this earth to do something. You were born with a purpose and passion meant not just to be felt as a dream, but to experience it coming true.
I also believe that it was not intended for us to fulfill our passion, purpose or dream alone. We are meant to connect with others with a similar destination who bring their unique strengths and gifts to making it come true. They are out there just waiting to join you on this path.
So I challenge you, once you know you need to take that step, find someone to work with. Work in a duo or group. Two heads are better than one, but even more important, two hearts, two minds and four hands make it possible. No one says you have to do it alone.
What are some of the ways you are stepping out of your comfort zone? I would love to hear from you.
Laurie,
Thank you, so much for this Email/article, “What Zone Are You In? !!! I can’t recall any ADHD article stopping me in my tracks and having such an immediate impact on me!!!
Recently, I read a school principal’s submitted essay to the local newspaper’s editorial page, a short essay on his being scared of various things, to the point where he was frozen with his fears and couldn’t go forward, and decided he needed to conquer his fear(s). He challenged himself, one fear at a time and over came each fear until his fears were no more. He wrote, he became a stronger, better person after this and was glad for the former adversity because it challenged him to confront his fears until they were no more and, enabled him to broaden his life.
Your and the principal’s sharing of your fears stood out for me, such that I cut out his essay from the newspaper and I am replying to your Email, normally I don’t post a reply on line but this is a HUGE, importance article for me.
With respect to PAUSE, looking back, the action to PAUSE is and has always been foreign to me. Later years, I reasoned this to be due partially to my enthusiastic spirit. Today, I understand, it’s my brain’s wiring and that makes sense because it works faster than I can keep up with it. This too is freeing to know.
Your article articulates so well, it’s not only one’s passion, purpose that drives us—it is our desire for authenencity that we reach beyond our comfort zone, and we Connect with another on the same journey. I see Connection / Communion with (an)Other not in a sexual, or super fiscal way rather, by way of a soft “tap” to our Being’s senses/of knowing with (an)Other. From this heightened experience, everything else falls into place, i.e why are we here?
I have a strong sensing when One allows them-self to go outside their comfort zone and connects/ communion with (an)Other. This is a gift from our Creator.
I remember early in life, feeling how my daily sales work was effecting my becoming more and more a robotic-self and feelings sadness about this and questioning, Who am I, What is the meaning of life, What is my purpose, What is important in life????
As you shared with us, only, when leaving our comfort zone and we confront our fears, our uncomfortableness can we experience, live, our authentic-self, feel our life has balance.
In retrospect, I see, know, the action to PAUSE is and has always been foreign to me, at times a blessing and maybe, more often than not, like a curse.
The closest these days to coming out of my comfort zone is remembering, continuing my original quest for self-actualization, by learning as much as possible about ADHD while at the same time working towards seeing addressed, and finalized serious matters before time runs. Then, shift attention, learning, focus and energies on ADHD learning, without distractions, and getting ADHD help and work.
Hi Zofia! Thanks for your wonderful comments! It is always great to know that what I write about connects with my readers. It sounds like pausing was a great insight! I would love to know what you are doing out of your comfort zone? ~Laurie Dupar
I could not agree more. Just give me a captive audience coupled with the sound of my own voice and I would never ask for another thing from anyone ever.