This weekend, I experienced one of those proud-parent moments you dream about. I watched my youngest child walk across the stage, graduating with honors and a degree in teaching. I was beaming. However, if I’m honest, the moment was also unexpectedly bittersweet.
Let me explain.
As a parent of four kids in their 20s, I’ve attended my fair share of graduations—and I’ve noticed something: each ceremony feels like a time capsule. You can sense the culture and values of the era in every speech, outfit, and applause break. This one was no different.
The Dean began by acknowledging the Coast Salish First Nation, on whose land the university has stood for 125 years. (Hurray for honoring Native history!)
A sign language interpreter stood to the side of the stage, making the ceremony accessible to the hearing impaired. (Extra points for inclusion.)
Then, a student speaker approached the mic—a courageous young woman who shared her experiences growing up as an undocumented immigrant. She spoke about the secrecy, the fear, and the burden of constantly hiding a part of herself. Her voice trembled as she described the relief she felt when she finally opened up about her story—the love, the support, the freedom of being seen at last. Next, she discussed her dream of using her voice to advocate for political change. (100 points for courage and hope.)
The message of diversity, visibility, and human dignity echoed throughout the auditorium. Yet, one student sat there with a secret of his own—one he hadn’t felt safe enough to share openly, even with people in his family.
This student has ADHD and is my daughter’s boyfriend.
🎓 He graduated.
📚 He worked hard.
😟 But instead of pride, he was filled with anxiety.
He worried that his classmates—or worse, his own parents—might find out he had barely met the graduation requirements. He was anxious about passing a job-required drug test now that he was finally on ADHD meds. He even questioned whether he deserved to graduate at all.
On a day meant for celebration, he carried something unseen: the stigma and silence of undiagnosed or misunderstood ADHD.
What Carrying a Secret Really Does
In a 2017 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, researchers found that people who carry secrets often feel inauthentic, isolated, and ashamed. Over time, these feelings erode mental health—like a slow, silent leak draining one’s sense of self.
Living with ADHD is one thing.
Hiding it is another. Often, it’s that part—the secrecy—that feels heavier than the diagnosis itself.
Why Do So Many Keep ADHD a Secret?
Because many have been told by the world—either explicitly or subtly—that ADHD is something to hide. They have witnessed the eye rolls, heard the dismissive comments, and felt the absence of empathy. They haven’t always received the same grace that is extended to others navigating mental health or neurodiversity.
So, they stay quiet. They overcompensate. They burn out trying to look “normal.”
If You’re Ready to Share Your ADHD Story, Here’s How to Start:
Start with someone safe.
Not everyone needs to know. Start with people who’ve shown compassion—even if they’re not your closest family or friends.
Come prepared.
Have facts, resources, and personal context ready. This isn’t just about symptoms—it’s about your lived experience and strengths.
Give it time.
Conversations like these are layered. Be patient with yourself and the person listening.
Be flexible.
People process things differently. Some might ask questions immediately; others may need time. That’s okay.
And if you do open up?
Celebrate it.
That kind of vulnerability is a strength. You’re not just helping yourself—you’re paving the way for others to stop living in secret, too.
So here’s the real question…
What needs to change for people with ADHD to feel as safe, seen, and supported as others do when sharing their truth?
Why isn’t the student with ADHD celebrated in the same way as the undocumented student—for their resilience, honesty, and journey?
I wish I didn’t have to keep asking these questions.
But I do.
And I will—until the world listens and those with ADHD receive the same acceptance as others with unique differences. I just hope I don’t have to wait too long.
I’d love to hear your thoughts. Please leave a comment below or share your story—because the more we discuss this, the less anyone has to hide.
LET’S GET MORE AWARE ABOUT ADHD:
Ready to be honest with yourself about your life: the good, the bad, the ugly….and the ADHD? Click here for 6 Ways to Own Your ADHD Story.
